Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
