Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
