oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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