So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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