is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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