She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
