My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
