You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
