Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
