I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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