So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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