drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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