apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
