You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
