Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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