she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
