I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
