make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
