i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
