Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
