Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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