If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
