It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
