how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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