hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
