i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
