I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
