covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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