i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
