Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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