At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
