How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
