i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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