You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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