Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
