that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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