I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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