Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
