Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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