jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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