im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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