Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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