I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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