I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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