I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
