How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
