I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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