Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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