Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
