The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
