Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
