I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
