I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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