I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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