I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
