When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
