i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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